Shadow Of The Past (Captain Swan AU)
by bilgegege
Summary: Emma Swan thought no matter what she did, her life seemed to never stop going downhill, until one day she met a stranger in a bar. Can he put all of her pieces back together, or will he break her all over again? (Captain Swan AU)
1. 1-Broken

**Author's Note:** ** _Hey guys! So this is my new story featuring Emma Swan and Killian Jones, a.k.a. Captain Swan. It was kind of something that popped into my mind, so hope you like it! It's based on this prompt: Emma thought she could never be happy again after Neal left her broken, until she met a mysterious stranger in the bar she worked in one day. Can he put her pieces back together, or will he pull her down a darker path?_**

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time or the characters

It had already been a crappy day for Emma Swan before her ex boyfriend, Neal-douchebag-Cassidy showed up at the bar she worked in.

From the moment she woke up and looked at her phone, she knew it was gonna be a day from hell. It was one a.m. when she woke up, which meant she was late for her day job for, like, an hour. She'd overslept for fourth time that month already. It was hard, balancing her time from working at Starbucks in the morning and Flynn's Bar at night, especially when she came home at five a.m. on Fridays. Of course she'd immediately jumped up from bed, getting ready at almost fifteen minutes, which was another record for her, and running to Starbucks. By that time, her co-worker, Delinda, had called her almost ten times, and left a couple voice mails.

She didn't have any time to listen to any of them as she burst into the little shop, looking frantically around for her boss. She knew he'd be so mad if he found out she was late all over again. Mr. Leroy had that way about him. Emma always thought he'd hated her.

She was right. Mr. Leroy had showed up in seconds, right after she got to the register, giving her we-need-to-talk look that always managed to creep the hell out of Emma. Of course before they even talked, Emma knew what it was about.

She was fired. Yet again.

She begged Mr. Leroy to keep her job, but there was no way. She knew she was a crappy cashier, and she also knew the only reason Mr. Leroy hadn't fired her already was her beauty—even though Delinda disagreed—and now he'd had enough of it as well. This was the third job Emma lost in the last six months. Except the one at the bar. Well, in that bar, beauty always worked. And her broad knowledge of every kind of drink. Thanks to Neal.

She'd spent her afternoon looking for a job desperately. She couldn't live with what she earned at Flynn's, even though the tips weren't so bad. She couldn't even pay the rent for her little apartment. She needed that money.

After going to three different restaurants, she'd gotten nothing. No one wanted to work with her. Either the hours with her other job didn't fit, or people didn't like the fact that she'd been a crappy worker. All she could do was to go to the bar, wearing a ton of make up trying to hide her swollen eyes. Of course Ruby had immediately seen through it the moment she wore her apron that needed a thousand witnesses to call an apron around her waist.

''Emma? What happened?'' she asked. She, of course, looked as dashing as always in her red mini skirt and black crop-top. She had dark, luminous hair with blood red streaks. She'd never seen anyone who wore streaks like that as well as her. Everyone loved Ruby. Most of the guys that came here came to see her. Most of them would throw themselves to her feet if she let them. But she was also the strongest woman Emma'd ever seen, and no matter what she wouldn't let a guy use her.

Emma wished she could be as strong as her sometimes.

''I got fired,'' Emma almost hissed as she started cleaning the glasses. There were still an hour or so before the bar would start to fill. There were just a few old guys right now who drank nothing but beer. ''Again.'' Ruby's eyes widened.

''What?'' She turned to Emma. ''I'm so sorry.'' Emma shook her head, trying to keep the tears away from her eyes.

''I shouldn't be surprised. I was late again. I overslept. Leroy had the right to fire me.'' She started rubbing the glass so hard that if Ruby hadn't gotten it from her hand, it probably would break.

''He didn't have the right to. You work so hard for your life.'' Ruby looked into Emma's eyes. ''Trust me, okay? And we'll get you another job. I'll ask Victor as well. Maybe he knows something.'' All Emma could do was to nod, and not grimace. She knew she didn't have the right to be jealous of Ruby. All Ruby was trying to do was help her. But Ruby… Well, she had the life Emma always wanted. Yeah, she'd lost her parents just like Emma when she was too young to remember, but she didn't spend her childhood being tossed around from one foster home to another. She lived with her grandmother, which was one of the sweetest people Emma had ever met. Ruby's grandmother had a house in New Jersey, but Ruby usually stayed in New York with Victor. He was a doctor, Emma didn't know what doctor, though. But still, Victor and Ruby seemed to have what she never could: a healthy relationship and happy life.

As the night passed by, after Mary Margaret, her best friend came as well, and Emma started to forget about what happened that day because of work, and she was grateful. She found herself giggling at a customer's words, a wealthy businessman, who awarded her a really nice tip, and smiling at Ruby who was showing herself off to some college guys who could never have any piece of her. Ruby winked at her. And Emma started to believe everything could actually work out.

Until her head turned to the door of the bar, and a familiar face walked in.

It was like Emma's world stopped turning when her eyes met with her ex-boyfriend's. Her mouth dropped. If someone asked her who would be the last person she'd expected to see here, he'd name him. Neal. And yet, he was here, in the bar she worked in, and he was looking around like he was looking for someone.

Emma's hand froze on the tequila bottle, and her ears started buzzing. She could hear the customer—a young college girl who seemed out of place—calling her name, but she couldn't pay attention. Her eyes were on Neal. What was he doing here? He didn't even know Emma worked here. When they…well, separated—that was the nicest way Emma could put it—she didn't work here. She didn't even live in New York. They lived in Boston, in their little apartment they managed to get somehow, and they were happy, until…

Until Neal left her and ran away leaving behind a bunch of stolen watches, putting the blame on Emma. She had to go to prison because of that dickhead. And Neal didn't even call to see if she was okay. After that, she had to try so hard to put her life in order, obviously without succeeding. She didn't need Neal. She'd worked so hard to forget him, to forget that she could ever trust and fall in love with someone like that, and she didn't need him right now.

''Excuse me?'' Emma came to her senses with a low shriek, and turned to the girl. The blonde haired girl was looking at her with a raised brow. Emma's cheeks heated as she continued to prepare the girl's drink, letting her hair drop in front of her face.

''I'm sorry,'' she apologized as she handed the drink, and eyed Neal. _Is he looking for me?_ The question seemed to be stuck in her mind. And a part of her wanted Neal to look for her. A part she wanted to punch. The moment Neal turned to the bar, she ducked. Not that she was scared of facing him.

Okay, she was scared of facing him. She closed her eyes, and counted to three. Neal couldn't be here. It must've been just her imagination.

''Emma?'' She jumped and almost hit her head on the counter with Mary Margaret's voice. She was looking at her with anxiety in her eyes. ''Is something wrong? Are you feeling sick or something?'' Emma swallowed hard, and for a second, considered telling Mary Margaret everything about Neal and her. No one knew her life before she moved to New York. She was so ashamed of that life that she swore never to talk about it ever again. Even though Mary Margaret and her husband, David, were her best friends…

''Yeah, I'm just feeling a little sick,'' Emma lied, forcing a smile. She stood up. ''Can you take over just for a few minutes?'' Mary Margaret was too baffled to do anything as Emma ran away from the counter. She wanted to follow Emma to see what was wrong, but before she could turn Emma was gone, and a customer was calling for her.

Emma quickly left the counter, running to the bathrooms. Tears had already started to fill her eyes. Emma Swan, the girl that had never cried in two years, was crying. Even when she couldn't pay the rent, even when she got fired from all those jobs, even though she felt like she had no one, she never cried. And Neal had managed to make her do that just by showing up.

Emma didn't want to remember her life with Neal. Not because it wasn't pretty. But because it was. It was good. It was better than good, actually. It was the closest she'd been to ever being happy. She wanted that life back. She wished she had that life back, sometimes. Go back in time, and somehow stop Neal from running away. The problem was, Neal didn't just run away. He'd _wanted_ to run away. He'd wanted to escape prison, so instead he'd sent her to it. There was no way she could ever forget something like that. And if Neal had actually loved her, he would never have done anything like that. She had always stood by Neal, no matter whatever he did. Obviously, Neal hadn't cared about him that much.

Emma wiped away her tears, scolding herself for being weak. She had to stay strong. That was how she survived. She always stayed strong, no matter what life threw in her way. She couldn't break down right now. Especially now that she lost her day job.

She yanked the restroom door open, running in. For her chance, it was empty. She quickly went to the bar, and looked at herself. Great. Because of her tears and heavy make up, her mascara was running. It was all over her eyes. She wanted to reach for her purse with her shaky hands until she remembered she left it in the locker room. She clenched her teeth. Now she had to clean her mascara just with those crappy paper towels. Why, oh why, didn't she wear waterproof mascara?

Of course, because she didn't have one.

Emma took a deep breath, trying to calm down. ''Fuck you, Neal,'' she whispered, mostly to herself. ''Why did you come here?''

"I wanted to see you.'' Emma jumped with Neal's voice, immediately turning to the door. Her breath got stuck in her throat as she swallowed hard. She didn't know what to say. She was speechless. Horror filled her lungs, and she had to lean to the sink to keep her balance. Her knees shook so badly.

''Neal,'' she shrieked, sounding like a little girl. She still didn't want to believe Neal was here. In the middle of girls' restroom. ''You…'' She stopped when nothing came in her mind. What would you say to you ex-boyfriend who left you two years ago without a word and had never called you? She wasn't even including the prison part.

''It's me, Emma,'' Neal said like he'd read Emma's mind. Emma didn't know what made her snap out of her stupor; the fact that Neal managed to see through her like he always did even after two years or that he was here, but she shook her head and clenched her fist. Even though her heart was pounding, she put on a blank face. That was the only way to get through this thing with Neal.

''What are you doing here?'' she asked harshly. Neal blinked. He obviously didn't expect this kind of reaction. Emma wanted to laugh. What did he expect anyway? That she'd jump on him and hug him? Kiss him? Yeah, right.

''We needed to talk,'' Neal said, stepping forward. Emma raised her hand quickly.

''Stop. Don't get any closer.'' Her voice was so cold that she felt proud of herself. Anyone who didn't know her wouldn't be able to hear the vulnerability behind her voice. The bad thing was… Neal knew her. ''What made you think I would want to talk to you?'' Neal couldn't say anything as he looked at Emma. This surely wasn't what he wanted. But Emma was determined. She was not gonna let this jerk ruin her life again.

''We… I mean us… We didn't end in a good way.'' Emma's brows cocked up. Was this guy even real?

''Not in a good way? Are you fucking kidding me?'' she yelled, not being able to stop herself. She stepped forward, pointing at Neal. The words poured out of her mouth. All the anger, frustration, pain and hurt she'd been carrying around poured out, and she couldn't stop. ''You left me, Neal! You left me, putting the blame on me for those watches. I had to go to prison! Do you know what that means? I went to prison, Neal, while you were somewhere away having the time of your life for something you did. I trusted you, you know? I stood by you. I never betrayed you, or turned my back on you even after I learnt all the things you'd done. And you just _left_.'' Tears started running down Emma's cheeks, and she didn't even try to stop them. She wrapped her arms around herself. ''So I'm sorry if I don't want to talk to you, or even see your face.''

''Emma, please,'' Neal pleaded. His eyes were full of guilt. Guilt that cause Emma's stomach to churn. She didn't want to see that guilt. She'd convinced herself Neal hadn't felt guilty for what he did for too long that seeing that guilt… It almost softened her. The last thing she needed right now. How could she trust Neal after what he did to her? ''Don't you at least care about me to listen to me?'' Emma opened her eyes, not realizing they were closed already. She pressed her lips together.

''I would've listened to you, Neal. But it's too late. I'm done with you.'' She didn't turn her eyes away from Neal's, hoping he'd believe her since she didn't even believe herself. She tried to take a deep breath, but the air was suffocating. She couldn't take staying more in that restroom with Neal. She pushed back Neal, pushing the door open. She could hear him calling for her but she didn't listen. She made her way to the back door that opened to a small alley. Fresh air.

That was exactly what she needed.

And she needed to stop crying,

The moment she stepped out, cold air welcomed her. In her mini dress, she felt the chill immediately, but she didn't care. It was nice. It was soothing. This kind of problem she could deal with. Now, about Neal…

 _No_ , Emma told herself. She wasn't gonna think about him anymore. She was over him, as she said. However, she wasn't sure if she'd been trying to convince Neal or herself as she said those words.

A quiet sob escaped her lips as she leaned back to the wall. She covered her mouth, trying to keep her sobs down. She didn't know how the hell her life went downhill in just one day. It wasn't fair. Yes, she might not have been perfect, but she surely didn't deserve this. All she wanted was to be happy. Was it that hard? Why did everything happen to her? Was it that hard to find something to be happy about for her?

''Hey, lass?'' A deep, male voice interrupted her thoughts, making her open her eyes. She didn't even realize someone was there until her eyes met with the guy that was standing in front of her.

The _hot_ guy that was standing in front of her.

The first thing Emma noticed were the guy's eyes. They were the deepest shade of blue, like it contained all the blues of all the seas in the whole world. Her hair was dark and messy, and even Emma, who didn't like beard on a man, had to admit it looked good on this guy. And with his leather jacket and ripped jeans…

He was really hot.

Emma's sobs had stopped as she looked at the guy. She was pretty sure she hadn't seen him here before. Well, she'd have definitely remembered that face. Not many hot guys came to Flynn's.

''Are you okay?'' the guy asked Emma. She slipped out of her thoughts, all that emotions rushing back to her. Her eyes filled with tears again. She laughed hysterically.

''Do I look okay?'' she asked, pulling her hair. The guy blinked with her outburst, taking a step back. She closed her eyes, immediately feeling sorry. She didn't need to take her anger out of this guy. ''Who are you anyway? I've never seen you around,'' she tried to change the subject. She eyes the guy as a smile pulled his lips. It was a nice smile. Beautiful smile. Not fake. It had been a long time Emma had seen a real smile like that on a guy.

She liked it. Her heart warmed a little with that smile, which scared her for a moment. What was this?

''Killian Jones,'' the guy said. ''It's my first time here.'' He stepped forward tentatively, like he was afraid Emma would run away or something like that. But she didn't want to run away. ''Though I'm glad I came. What happened? Who made a beautiful lady like you cry, love?'' Thinking about Neal, Emma laughed emotionlessly again. She tucked her hair behind her ear.

''A guy that reminded me how unreliable men are.'' She crossed her arms. ''Don't take it personally,'' she told Killian.

A sad look crossed Killian's face. ''I'm so sorry about that.'' The guy reached for his pocket, and pulled out a thing that looked like a napkin. ''Here. It looks like you might need it.'' It was a napkin. Emma suddenly felt grateful as she took it. Okay, maybe not all guys were unreliable. She only just met Killian, there was no way of knowing what kind of guy he was. Based on his appearance, he didn't look any different than others. A classic bad guy.

''Thank you.'' She quickly wiped her tears, feeling like she ruined her mascara even more. She looked at the napkin. It was literally half black. She grimaced.

''Great. I probably look like a zombie right now.'' Her eyes turned to Killian to find him chuckle. The sound made Emma smile as well. His laugh was beautiful as well. Almost…musical.

Wait, what the hell was she thinking?

''I wouldn't say zombie,'' Killian said jokingly. Emma shot him a glare. There was a playful smirk on his face. A smirk that made Emma's heart skip a beat.

Okay, she really needed to get a hold of herself.

''Maybe a vampire.'' Emma narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.

''Is that a way to talk to a stranger?'' Killian cocked his brow.

''Well, I told you my name, love,'' he said. ''How about you tell me yours?'' Emma tried to find something to object, to keep her from telling her name. She found nothing.

''Emma,'' she said, straightening up. ''Emma Swan.'' Killian's eyes lit up with Emma's name as she extended her hand. Killian held it tightly.

''A nice name.'' Killian's eyes searched Emma's face. ''Hey, are you that blonde bartender?'' Emma frowned.

''The blonde bartender? That's what people call me now?'' Killian chuckled, letting to of Emma's hand. Emma tried to clean up her mascara again when Killian turned his eyes away. She never wanted to look good to someone as much as she did now, to Killian.

''Well, I didn't know your name. You were the hot bartender with blonde curls and sexy red dress.'' Emma raised her brows.

''Have you even seen Ruby?'' The question escaped her mouth before she could stop herself, and her cheeks immediately heated. Sometimes she hated herself, and her ability to say the worst things in the worst times.

''Ruby?'' Killian looked confused. ''Who the hell is Ruby?'' Emma bit her lip. _It doesn't matter who Ruby is_ , she reminded herself. And it surely didn't matter how beautiful Ruby was. Ruby had a boyfriend.

And also, she wasn't interested in Killian.

''The other bartender,'' Emma found herself saying. Killian frowned.

''With crop tops and all?'' A smile pulled Emma's lips. She was glad Killian didn't say ''killer legs'' or ''amazing body'' and all. That was so nice of him.

''That's one way to put it.'' She turned her eyes to her hands, not being able to face Killian.

''You think I like her?'' Killian sounded surprised, which was unexpected. Emma lifted her head bewilderedly.

''Don't you? Everyone loves her.'' She shut her mouth when she realized how pathetic that sounded. She really needed to pull herself together. Oh, and also she needed to stop telling everything to a stranger.

Killian stepped forward before Emma could do anything, and wiped Emma's tears away. She didn't even realize he lifted his hand. She shivered with Killian's touch as her eyes locked to his.

''If you're asking me if I find her beautiful or not, then the answer is yes, I think she's beautiful.'' Emma's stomach churned. Of course. What the hell did she expect? ''But no, she's not the one I want to buy a drink for.'' Emma was getting ready to yell at Killian for—she didn't know what for when Killian's words stopped her. Wait, _what_?

''So would you care to join me for a drink, Swan?'' Killian's eyes were illuminated as he searched Emma's face. Emma felt frozen. How the hell did it come here so quickly? Her breath quickened. A part of her, the part that had just been broken again by Neal, wanted to turn Killian down. The last thing she wanted was to go through what she'd gone through with Neal all over again. She couldn't have a drink with Killian. It all started with a drink. And then things got serious, and then she'd give her heart to Killian just to have it broken and shattered in pieces all over again. No. She couldn't do it.

But there was this another part that _desperately_ wanted to say yes. She didn't know why. She just wanted it. Killian was…mysterious, hot, funny, kind, nice and…sincere. He looked sincere. Something not most guys had. She wanted to know him more.

Oh, this was not going down in the right direction. This was completely wrong.

''Why do you want to have drinks with someone who obviously looks like a gothic vampire and is crying behind a bar?'' Emma asked, trying to laugh. Yeah, this was better. She could handle jokes and all.

Killian shrugged. ''Well, let's say I'm intrigued.'' He winked at her, making Emma shudder. A wink shouldn't look that good on someone. It was forbidden. ''And also I can't leave a girl here crying.'' Emma wanted to make a snarky comment because, well, that was what she did, but nothing came out of her mind. All she could to was to stare at him.

''Okay,'' she found herself whisper finally. Killian's smile widened. Was it relief she saw in Killian's eyes? And happiness? ''But let me clean up my make up first. You wouldn't want to be seen sharing a drinks with a vampire, right?'' she teased Killian. His laugh filled her ears.

''A hot vampire, but I get your point.'' Killian gave her a soft, sincere smile as he so tenderly stroked her cheek. ''I'll be waiting, Swan.'' Emma stared behind Killian as he disappeared behind the door, giving her one last smile.

What had she just done?


	2. 2-Job Offer

**Author's Note:** ** _Hey guys! Here's the new chapter. Don't forget to write a review! I'd like to hear your thoughts._**

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time or the characters_

''Where the hell is my lipstick?'' Emma dug her hand in her purse, trying to find the little tube that seemed to be hiding somewhere in it. She cursed herself as she got her hand out, and poured the contents of his purse next to the sink. If her hands hadn't been shaking this much, she surely would've found the lipstick.

She didn't know why she felt so anxious. It wasn't like she was going on a date or something. It was just a drink. And she needed to get back to work in at least half an hour so it wasn't like this would become anything else. It would just be a one-time thing, which sounded worse than it actually was.

Emma didn't know how much time she spent in the bathroom, but cleaning her messed up mascara—Killian was right, she did look like a gothic vampire—and renewing it must've taken at least ten minutes. She didn't want to make Killian wait more. If only her hands didn't shake…

She somehow managed to put on his lipstick without messing it up, and looked herself in the mirror. She'd tied her hair in a ponytail because it looked like a blonde ball of mess. And her make up looked…well, it didn't look _bad_ but that was all she could do in five minutes. At least she looked better than before.

She took a deep breath, telling herself everything was gonna be fine before heading back to the bar. Her heart was pounding in his chest, and her doubts almost literally were trying to stop her. She swallowed hard and stopped when she reached the counter. Mary Margaret immediately turned to her.

"Emma, are you okay?" she asked anxiously. Emma's eyes turned to her best friend. She didn't know how but Mary Margaret almost always seemed to see through her. She shook her head.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't hard for you, was it?" Mary Margaret shot her a glare.

"Not at all. It isn't the rush hour yet. By the way—" Before she could finish her sentence, a familiar voice cut her words. Emma's heart stuttered with the owner of the voice.

"Swan. I was starting to think you weren't gonna show up." Emma and Mary Margaret both turned to Killian at the same time, and Emma's eyes met with Killian's deep blue eyes. Even under the dim lighting of the bar, they looked beautiful.

Emma could feel Mary Margaret's eyes on her, silently yelling how the hell this hot guy knew her name. She didn't turn to her.

"Killian," she shrieked instead with a thin voice, immediately blushing after. Why did she act like a teenager around Killian? Did he have some kind of spell?

Emma glanced at Mary Margaret, only to find her staring at herself with wide eyes. She flashed a fake smile at Mary Margaret's demanding face that wanted to know who exactly this guy was and how Emma knew him. Emma gave her an I'll-tell-you-later look before turning back to Killian.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't entirely easy to get the mascara off my eyes." Killian chuckled.

"Well, I liked that gothic vampire look." Emma rolled her eyes, which made Killian smile even wider. "Though I have to say, you look stunning, Swan." Emma felt a smile pulling her lips. Chills went down her spine. _Emma, get your damn head together,_ she ordered herself. _You can't have any feelings for this guy!_

Though her effort to try to not be affected by Killian failed when he grabbed her wrist. His touch sent jolts to her body that certain parts of her liked and certain parts…didn't.

"Can I steal Emma if it's possible?" At first, Emma didn't realize who he was asking until she heard Mary Margaret's voice.

"Of course!" she literally screamed. Emma glared at her, but she didn't seem to notice it. "Of course you can steal her. Take her. Actually, let me leave you alone. Yes." She smiled cheekily at Emma. Behind that smile, though, was a threat hidden.

 _Don't make this one run away as well._

She wanted to scowl at Mary Margaret, but she was already gone. All she could do was to turn back to Killian. He was still standing in front of her with a smile.

''Well…'' she started rambling. ''Would you like to sit as I prepare our drinks or…''

''I'll wait here,'' Killian interjected. Emma stopped for a second, joining her hands in front of her. Why was it so hard to act normal in front of Killian? Normally, flirting with guys came easy to her. That was how she earned all those tips. But with Killian… She never knew what to say.

''Okay,'' she whispered finally, trying to pull herself together. _It's because he's hot_ , she told herself. _Hot and kind, it's just that. Nothing else._

''What do you want?'' she asked Killian as her hands went to the bottles of alcohol. She felt her muscles relax as she was doing something she was used to. She was back in her comfort zone.

''Why don't you make me your favorite drink? What do you say?'' Killian sent Emma a lopsided grin that made Emma's heart flutter. She shook her head quickly as she got what she needed. It was so easy for her, just like riding a bike that she wasn't even thinking about it as she poured the drinks. She could feel Killian's eyes on her, though.

''Who was that?'' Killian asked. At first Emma didn't understand who he was talking about until he pointed at Mary Margaret with his head.

''Oh,'' Emma said with a smile. ''She's my best friend. She really helped me after…'' Her voice trailed off before she mentioned Neal. She turned her eyes back at the drinks. ''Well, after the rough time I had. I really owe her.'' Her fingers unintentionally went up to her necklace that Neal gave her. She hadn't taken it off since he left. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Although, after today, she wished she could just pull it off and threw it away.

She shook her head before she turned back to the drinks. ''So yeah, that's what it is.'' She glanced up at Killian to find him grinning. ''What?''

''I like her,'' Killian said after a moment of silence. Emma's brows went up.

''You like her?'' He turned to her, looking at her hands.

''Yeah. First of all, she definitely has great ideas.'' He started tapping his fingers to the counter, distracting Emma for a second. He flashed a smirk at her. ''She literally planned our wedding the very second I came next to you.'' Emma's eyes widened as she nearly dropped the vodka bottle.

''Wedding?!'' she shrieked. Her hands were shaking. A part of her knew Killian was just joking but that part was overpowered by the other part. The part that panicked even with the idea of dating. She couldn't imagine herself with being with a guy, let alone getting married. Why was Killian talking about a wedding then?

''Hey, Emma, I'm just kidding,'' Killian said, realizing her panic. He reached out to hold Emma's hands but she quickly yanked it back. The panicked thoughts were still in her mind.

''Ye-yeah, I know,'' she whispered finally, ducked her head and continued doing their drinks. She was trying to focus on them but it was impossible.

Killian stayed silent then until she finished their drinks and put it on the counter. ''Cosmopolitan,'' she said even though Killian seemed like he recognized it. It was the first drink Emma shared with Neal.

And it was actually pathetic it was what came to her mind when someone asked her about her favorite drink.

She decided not to dwell on that as she turned to Killian. She forced a smile. ''Cheers,'' she said as she lifted her drink. Killian smiled and took a sip. He blinked.

''I have to admit, Swan, this is the best Cosmopolitan I'd ever drunk.'' Emma grinned with Killian's comment.

''Well, I'm especially familiar with that drink.'' She didn't think about the part where she always used to prepare it for Neal, and instead concentrated on Killian. ''So, what brought you here, in this bar?'' she asked. Gold's wasn't exactly the most popular place and Killian looked like he belonged to those popular places.

Killian's smile disappeared with Emma's question, and for the first time Emma saw coldness behind them. A chill went down her spine. With that look on his face, Killian looked exactly like Emma suspected. Deadly. Dangerous. Bad.

The look went away so quickly though that she thought she'd just imagined it. Or she hoped it was just her imagination.

''Let's say there was an unfinished business I needed to take care of.'' Emma cocked her brow.

''In Gold's? What unfinished business could you possible have here?'' Killian pressed his lips together.

''It's not important,'' he shrugged it off, his tone implying he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Emma's smile disappeared. It was hard to imagine this nice man doing something bad, though she felt like there was a lot she didn't know about. ''What brought _you_ here, Swan? You don't exactly seem like you're doing this because you want to.'' Emma frowned. He hated the fact that Killian could read her perfectly. How could he do that anyway? Normally, Emma was good at hiding her emotions. That was how she survived.

So how the hell Killian, whom she just met, managed to see through her?

''Well, let's just say I tried to get out of a messed up situation and got myself into another messed up situation.'' Her fingers trailed around the glass, not looking at Killian. She didn't want to think about Neal, especially not now. Though she couldn't stop her eyes from glancing around the bar to see if he was still here.

''I'm sorry about that.'' The sincerity in Killian's voice made Emma turn to him. She thought she must've imagined it, but she could see it in his eyes as well. She didn't know what to say for a second. She wasn't used to this.

''It doesn't matter anymore,'' she stuttered, trying to keep her head down and change the subject. ''Can we please talk about something else?''

''Like what?'' Killian asked without even objecting. Emma smiled gratefully.

''Like… I don't know. What you do for living? You already know what I do.'' She tapped her fingers to her glass. It was easier to flirt with Killian when he was smirking and all with a bad boy attitude. She could almost pretend he was like all of the other ones.

''I own a yacht club at the coast.'' Emma snorted in a really non-attractive way.

''Of course. Why am I not surprised?'' She took a huge gulp from her Cosmopolitan and let the drink burn her throat. Maybe if she got a little tipsy…

''You're not?'' Killian asked with a frown, though Emma could see the little smirk behind it. She waved her hand in his direction.

''You have that…club-y kind of look, you know.'' She didn't know what exactly it was, but she could definitely imagine Killian sitting behind a desk in a leather chair in daytime, and then drinking at his own club at night. He had richness about him.

''Club-y kind of look? I like that.'' Killian's smirk grew as he took a sip. ''Well, you could say that I guess.'' A grin pulled Emma's lips, and she stopped fighting with it.

''You must think Gold's is a really crappy bar then, I guess.'' Killian shrugged, eyeing Emma. She shivered without even knowing why.

''Nah, I wouldn't say that. This bar has…more of a friendly feeling. For example, bartenders are definitely better.'' His eyes traveled on Emma, lingering on places that made Emma blush. She felt herself froze. Normally she wouldn't mind something like that, but there was something in Killian's eyes that made her…want what she promised she'd never want. Something more than a one-night thing. She clenched her fists, reminding herself what she was feeling meant nothing. She probably wouldn't even see Killian after today.

''Well, I try,'' she tried to shrug it off, forcing a smile. She eyes a woman who had just sat down two seats next to Killian. ''I'm sorry, I have to get this.'' She literally ran away from Killian to the woman.

''Good evening, what can I get you?'' she asked the moment the woman turned to her. She had a really angry glare that made Emma want to hide.

''Finally someone noticed me. Thank you.'' Emma tried not grimacing with her words. ''Bourbon. Fast,'' the woman almost ordered. She took a deep breath. Sometimes, in moments like this, she wondered how she ended up working in a bar like this where half the customers treated her like crap and the other half wanted to get into her pants.

''Coming right now,'' she said between her teeth and poured the woman bourbon. She could feel Killian's eyes on her. She forced herself not to look at him. ''Here you go.'' The woman snatched the drink from her hand, throwing a couple of cash in front of her.

''Keep the change.'' She stood up with her bourbon, walking away. Emma took a deep breath to calm down. People like this got to her nerves. Couldn't they be at least a little nicer to someone who tries to get on with her life by working in two jobs?

''That was rude.'' Emma jumped with Killian's voice. She suddenly felt embarrassed, not knowing why. She tried to act like it wasn't important.

''I'm used to it. Not everyone who comes here is like—'' She almost said _you_ before she stopped herself. ''Nice,'' she finished her sentence. ''It's not unusual.''

''It doesn't mean it's okay. You don't deserve to work in a place like this.'' Emma pressed her lips together. She didn't want anyone to know she didn't have any other choice, especially not Killian. The only job she could find and keep was this one. She couldn't just quit because people weren't nice to her.

''I don't mind,'' she lied, taking Killian's now empty glass. ''Do you want anything else?'' He didn't say anything for a second, just looking at Emma.

''You seem to know your way with alcohol,'' he commented. A sad smile appeared on Emma's face.

''Well, perks of dating an alcoholic.'' Killian pursed his lips.

''You deserve better than working here, Emma. Don't tell me I don't know you. I know someone who's desperately trying to get on with her life.'' Emma blinked, not knowing what to say. His words had made her heart stutter. Where was he going with this?

Killian produced a business card from his jacket and put it in front of Emma. She eyes the card tentatively. She knew what Killian was gonna say to her, and a part of her was too scared to hear.

''If you want, I can give you a job at the club. We really need a bartender who knows what she's doing, and as far as I saw today, you're better than any of our bartenders.'' Emma looked up at him.

''Are you serious?'' she asked breathlessly. She couldn't believe this guy was offering her a job from only what he saw tonight. The corners of Killian's lips tipped up.

''I'm serious. At the very least, you can give it a try tomorrow, love. We can discuss the working schedules and all. What do you say?'' Emma was speechless. She didn't even know what she should think about it. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

She was dumbfounded. The last thing she expected from today was this. Meeting a guy who looked out for her. And she knew Killian was looking out for her. She knew, somehow, that this offer wasn't just about her bartending skills. It was about her. Ruby was as well bartender as she was, and yet he was asking her. And a part of her wanted to turn down his offer. She stayed away from everyone who she could possibly have something that lasted more than one night. And she wasn't planning on seeing Killian…ever again. But if she worked for him…

''You don't have to decide just know. Think about it. If you want the job, call me tomorrow.'' Killian took Emma's hand and put the card in it. Emma looked at the card. There it was, Killian's name above a phone number. She bit her lip. What was she gonna do?

''How much do I owe you?'' Killian's question pulled her out of her thoughts. She took a deep breath.

''Nothing. It-It's on the house,'' she said. After his offer, that's the least she could do. Though she still didn't know what to say to that.

''Swan, please.'' Emma's eyes met Killian's glare. She took a deep breath.

''You just offered me a job, Killian. Let me at least do this.'' Killian took a deep breath and took out a hundred dollars. Emma's eyes widened.

''Take this. No, wait. I'm not taking no as an answer, okay? You're taking this.'' Before she could stop him, he tucked the cash in Emma's apron. He stood up to leave. ''Consider my offer, Emma. Call me tomorrow or come to the address on the card. I hope you say yes.'' He flashed him a smile. ''Goodnight.'' And with that, he was gone, leaving Emma with a card and a hundred questions.

 _Review?_


	3. 3-Letting Go

"I'm not gonna accept his offer." Emma put her phone on the counter, putting it on speaker. She opened the fridge to get milk.

"What?" Mary Margaret snickered over the phone. "Why not, Emma? You do realize he offered you a job at the most prestigious yacht club in New York?" Emma sighed as she poured the milk to the bowl of Lucky Charms. Her favorite cereal brand. Neal always believed it brought luck. They used to…steal it and eat it when they had the chance. She didn't know why she was still holding onto those memories.

And why the hell she was thinking about Neal at all? She used to be able to push him away from her thoughts easily. But after he showed up yesterday and everything that happened with Killian, it seemed like she couldn't get him out of her mind.

"Yeah, I know. Jolly Roger Night Club. Wasn't that the name of Captain Hook's ship?" Emma remembered her favorite cartoon when she was little. "What a weird choice."

"Yes, it is weird. But that doesn't change the fact that anyone would kill to work there." Emma took a deep breath. After Killian left the bar last night, she decided she could not take the job. Not from Killian. She barely knew him. What if he was a…serial killer? Rapist? How could she know? Besides, who said she wanted to leave Gold's? She worked there for almost a year now. It was, well, a nice job. One she knew she wouldn't lose. The job Killian offered, though… She felt like she'd be fired after the first incident. She couldn't risk it. That was why she wasn't gonna take the job. Not because she was afraid of getting close to Killian. Because that would be ridiculous, right?

"Well, not me. I can barely hold my job at Gold's. I could get fired easily over there. I can't risk losing my job."

"Losing your job, or your heart?" Mary Margaret mumbled. Emma's hand froze with the spoon above her cereal.

"Wh-what did you say?" she stuttered. Mary Margaret surely couldn't have meant Killian, right? Who said she was losing her heart to Killian?

"You know what I'm talking about, Emma," Mary Margaret said softly. She continued when Emma stayed silent. "I saw the way you looked at Killian last night. And I saw the way he looked at you. You can't tell me nothing was going on between you two." Emma opened her mouth, but nothing came out at first.

"It's not…that," she managed to murmur finally. She could feel Mary Margaret rolling her eyes.

"You're scared of getting close with Killian." Emma forced out a laugh that sounded like she was choking.

"Where did you get that?"

"Because that's what you do, Emma. You push people away. You put up walls around you because of what happened with Neal." A knot formed in Emma's throat with Neal's name. She wished she could say no, but Mary Margaret had hit the nail right on the head. "I know that you're scared of getting hurt, but Emma, that wall of yours, yes, it might keep out pain, but it may also keep out love. And love is the key to all happiness." Emma ran her fingers through her hair. She hated when someone could see right through her.

"I don't need love in my life to be happy. I'm perfectly fine right now." Mary Margaret sighed.

"I know you think you are, but just give Killian a chance. Open your heart to love. It's so worth the risk." Emma buried her face to her hand. Of course Mary Margaret would say that. She'd found her happy ending with her Prince Charming, David. She didn't know what getting hurt really meant. She didn't know about the scars that Neal left on her heart that reminded her all love ever brought to her: pain and agony. She couldn't do it again.

"I'll think about it," she lied, turning on her MacBook. "Okay?"

"Okay," Mary Margaret said cheerfully. Sometimes, her optimism really annoyed Emma. "And besides, it's a great job," she added. Emma shut her eyes. She knew it was. She knew she was turning down a great opportunity. But she had no choice.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, see you tonight," she said before she hung up. Her eyes turned to her laptop. She decided it would be better if she looked for a job online. And it looked like she was right. There was a café nearby, Granny's, that was looking for a new waitress. She smiled. That job would be perfect for her.

She reached for her phone to write the address down, but Killian's card came out with her phone as well. She stared at the card for a second, her heart skipping a beat. She thought what would happen if she just accepted the job. Maybe she wouldn't have to see Killian every day. He was the owner of the club, he probably didn't spend all his time in the bar. Right?

She thought about calling Killian. With one phone call, and she'd have the job she always wanted. She wouldn't even need another job. If only Killian didn't own that place…

She shook her head, putting the card back in her purse and she wrote down Granny's address. If she got the job over there, she wouldn't have to worry about Killian anyway. She had to get it.

She finished her cereal quickly before she ran out. If it hadn't worked out at the Granny's, she needed some time to find another job. She could feel the weight of Killian's card in her purse though, constantly reminding her she actually had a job that would make her life so much easier. If she could just bring herself to take it…

She cursed herself as she walked out of her apartment. She hated herself for not taking the job, because deep down she knew it was about Killian. She was turning down a great offer. But the long term effects… Those could be catastrophic. If she got her heart broken all over again… That she couldn't survive. Anything else, she could deal with, but not that.

She took a deep breath when she reached to the Granny's. It really was close to her house, which was why she really needed to try to get that job. She pushed the door open, and the sweet smell of hot cocoa and coffee welcomed her into the little, friendly café. She looked around. There were a few tables here and there, the walls were light blue, covered with paintings of wolves. _What a weird choice_ , Emma thought, but decided not to judge.

"Good morning," a waiter approached her. The waiter looked cute with his short spiked blond hair and blue eyes. Classic surfer type. "How can I help you?"

"Well, I…" Emma took out her notes. "I saw on the internet that you were looking for a new waiter?" The guy's eyes literally lit up.

"Yes! Yes, we do. Come with me." Emma followed the waiter as he took him to a room behind the café. She could see an old lady in the room as the waiter introduced her.

"This is…"

"Emma," she finished the waiter's sentence. "I came for the job interview." The old lady smiled at her.

After a little introduction, the lady, Mrs. Lucas, asked her a few easy questions like they asked in job interviews. Like do you have any experience kind of stuff. Emma didn't have a hard time in answering any of them, though she still felt stressed. If she didn't get this job… She'd have to work with Killian, or else she would get kicked out of the apartment.

"Okay. We'll get back to you as soon as possible," Mrs. Lucas said with a smile. Emma took a deep breath as she stood up and shook Mrs. Lucas's hand.

"Thank you," she said, hoping she didn't mess up this interview as well. Though Mrs. Lucas didn't seem like she'd do anything to get Emma going. In fact, if Emma's observations were right, she seemed positive. Which was a good thing, right?

But Emma still couldn't shake the feeling that this was wrong. The feeling never left the pit of her stomach. A part of her, more reasonable part, told her that she was stupid not to accept Killian's offer. If it wasn't for Killian, she wouldn't even think about it. She would be thrilled. But her heart… Her heart couldn't take it. So much so that it felt like whatever she chose, she'd regret it.

Though she'd made her choice the moment she came to interview at Granny's. She should've thrown away the card as well. It was still in her purse.

She didn't take it out. She still wasn't ready to…what? Let it go? She hadn't called Killian today. She probably had already lost her chance in that job. For someone like Killian, it wouldn't be that hard to find a bartender, right? The only reason he'd asked him was because she was a good bartender. Not anything else.

Then why the hell didn't she accept the job?

She ran her fingers through her hair. She was tired of dwelling on this Killian thing. She needed to take her mind off it. The problem was, she didn't know how. There was still time till her shift at the bar.

She took out Killian's card. She almost memorized the phone number, she looked at the card so much thinking if she should call Killian or not that the number burned into her mind. She could just call him. It was as easy as that. And she'd have a real actual job that maybe would allow her to earn as much money to let her get a better apartment. It almost felt like a dream.

Which it could be one day. If something had gone wrong with her job there, or in that case, Killian, she'd be in a far worse situation then she was in right now. That was a risk she couldn't take. Maybe someday, _someday_ , she'd be ready to open her heart to someone again and fall in love, but that day wasn't this one. She put the card back in her purse.

She wanted to go back home but she really didn't feel like lying down on the couch till it's time for her shift and do nothing. Instead, she decided to go for a walk in Central Park. That place always managed to calm her nerves. It was the perfect place to get away from the stress and business of New York. Sometimes, she just went there and sat on the grass, watching children running around, families having picnics and couples walking with their hands clutched together. It was easier to imagine she was one of them when she was there. She managed to forget her problems. She just closed her eyes and imagined that she was there with her boyfriend or her parents, and she was laughing, and she had everything she wanted. It lasted maybe for a minute, but in that minute she felt truly happy. And then of course it crumbled down since she didn't have a boyfriend or a family.

Today, though, none of that worked. The moment she entered the park and saw a young couple, probably eighteen or nineteen years old, her throat tightened and tears pooled into her eyes. The couple were holding hands and laughing at each other with what looked like two coffee cups in their hands.

 _This used to be Neal and me_ , Emma couldn't help thinking. No matter what Neal did, she did love him once and they were happy. He had become Emma's everything. Her family. He was the first person that made her feel that way. She thought… She thought they'd be together forever. Nothing could separate them.

Although apparently Neal didn't feel the same way.

Emma blinked her tears away and looked back at the couple. Her hand went up to her neck, to Neal's necklace. She had to let Neal go. He was the reason Emma was in this situation right now. Working two jobs, living in a crappy apartment and dealing with drunken jerks every day. Those would've never happened if she hadn't met Neal. Maybe someday she would be able to be grateful and smile at the little happiness they had, but the scars were still too fresh and they were still bleeding. They still hadn't healed.

Emma ripped the necklace off her neck. She was done with this. She was done with holding onto memories that was never gonna come back. Seeing Neal the other day proved that. She couldn't let go of Neal because she loved him, but when she saw her… She realized it didn't matter. Because even though she really loved him, there was no way she could forgive and trust him completely.

The necklace slipped away from her fingers, falling to the grass. She felt tears threatening to escape her eyes, so she turned back and started walking to the street. She felt like she was leaving a huge part of her behind, a part she needed to get rid of even though she wanted to hold onto forever.

She couldn't stop herself from looking back where she left the necklace just to see the couple finding it. The guy took it from the grass and looked at it.

"Oh, it's so beautiful," the girl said. She pursed her lips. "Who'd throw something like this away?" The guy held up the necklace with a frown.

"I have no idea, but I'm glad they did. It'd look so good on you." The girl's eyes turned to him.

"Too bad it's broken, then." A smirk appeared on the guy's face.

"Nothing that can't be fixed." He leaned down to put a kiss on the girl's lips, making her smile and giggle. "Come, I know a place where we can take this to." With that, they turned around and left. A broken smile pulled Emma's lips. _Nothing that can't be fixed_ , the guy said. But Emma knew deep inside her heart that for her, it couldn't be fixed. Her heart was broken and she didn't think anything would put back the pieces together.

She turned back to the street and looked at time. She needed to head back home and get ready for work. Taking a deep breath, she started walking. After seeing that couple she was glad she didn't accept Killian's job offer. If she did, and things headed down that way, they could be like that couple and then she'd give the broken pieces of her heart to Killian, and in the end he'd just crush them again, making it impossible to put back together, if it was possible right now. There was nothing like true love, not for her at least. Yes, maybe that couple would be happy. They seemed truly in love. Maybe they'd grow up and get married and have children and have a family. Maybe they'd find their happy ending.

She'd lost hope on hers long ago.

"I can't believe you, Emma!" Ruby yelled right next to Emma's ear, making her jump. "How did you not accept Killian's job?" Emma sighed, trying to focus on cleaning the glasses. As usual, the bar was almost empty at five p.m., and she didn't have anything to run away from Ruby's interrogation.

"I didn't accept it. What's the big deal about it?" she tried to shrug it off, swallowing hard. She didn't want Ruby to see how fast her heart was beating. Why did her heart have to skip a beat every time someone mentioned Killian? It wasn't like there was something between them. Oh, no. That would be crazy.

"What's the big deal about it?!" Emma winced with Ruby's shriek. "This is Jolly Roger Yacht Club's owner we're talking about, not some random café or…bar owner. That job is any bartender's dream." Emma put the glass down.

"Would you have accepted it?" she asked, already knowing the answer. She didn't even know what point she was trying to make. There was no point. She was just scared. Scared she'd get too close to Killian. She probably didn't even have the right to talk right now. If Ruby knew the truth…

"Hell yeah!" Ruby said, raising her arms. "I wouldn't even think about it. Emma, that job could've been your way out of this life. You'd lost your day job yesterday. If you worked there, you wouldn't need a day job. I can't even imagine the amount of money they must be paying to bartenders." She crossed her arms, giving Emma her are-you-insane look. Emma bit her lip. Ruby was totally right. She knew what she chose. She chose working endless amount of hours just to stay away from love. Some would call it stupid, but not Emma.

"Well, it's too late now anyway." She shook her head. "Killian told me to call him in the morning if I wanted the job. I didn't." She felt the weight of the business card in her pocket. She didn't know why but she took it from her purse with her phone. Like she was hoping something would change her mind, and it wasn't actually too late to get the job. Like somehow something could make her call Killian. It hadn't happened recently.

"It can't be too late, Emma. Come on! You seriously are not gonna turn down that opportunity." Emma knocked the glass that was in her hand to the counter.

"Actually, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Just leave it alone, Ruby. I don't want the job." She turned away from ruby, clenching her teeth. Why did everyone want her to get that job anyway? Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

"You don't want the job, or you don't want to get close to Killian?" Emma's body froze as her heart started slamming against her chest. She forced herself to look at Ruby. First Mary Margaret, and then her… Was Emma so transparent that everyone could see what she was thinking?

"Wh-where did you get that?" she stuttered. Ruby's face suddenly turned from wolfish to sympathetic. She smiled.

"Emma, I know that you've been through a terrible heartbreak, even though you're not telling me. I've been through enough heartbreak to know what it's like. But if you let that, the fear of falling in love again, control your life, you'll never be truly happy." Emma's shoulder's tightened with Ruby's words. She closed her eyes.

"I'm happy, okay? You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine. I don't need love in my life." She ran her fingers through her hair, untying her ponytail. "I—"

"Emma?" With the familiar voice, Emma stopped. A chill ran down her spine. No. That wasn't possible. He couldn't be here, right? Last night, Emma thought she made it pretty clear she never wanted to see him again. And yet…

She turned slowly to the owner of the voice, her eyes founding Neal. Her chest tightened with the sight of him. He had come back.

Surprising.

Emma couldn't do or think anything as her heart was pounding, screaming that he was here, Neal was here, and finally he actually had come back. Everything she thought about not letting him in again, not being able to forgive him flew away from Emma's mind. She wanted him. There was no denying that. All those time hadn't taken away the love she had for this guy. It had never disappeared. She just learned to live with it, but it was always there in her heart.

She managed to snap out of it before she did something stupid, though, and she pressed her lips together. "What are you doing here?" she hissed. "Haven't I clearly told you I never wanted to see you again? That I'm done with you?" Neal stepped forward, raising his hand to hold Emma's. He looked…desperate, almost. _Good_ , Emma thought even though a knot formed in her throat. _Now you know how I felt_.

"I know, but Emma, hear me out. Please." Emma pulled her hand back when Neal reached for it. She clenched her teeth, looking around. Ruby had, luckily, left them alone, dealing with some customers, though Emma could feel her eyes on them. She turned back to Neal.

"Maybe you should've thought about that before you left me," she said bitterly. She knew she was being too harsh, but Neal deserved it. He deserved everything he got. "So don't expect me to stay here and listen to you." She walked away, snatching another glass even though it looked clean.

"Emma, wait!" Neal begged again and grabbed her arm. She yanked it away.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled, drawing attention from a couple of customers and, of course, Ruby. "What part of 'I'm done with you' you haven't understood?"

"If you were done with me, you wouldn't still be wearing my necklace!" His eyes turned to Emma's neck the moment Emma's hand did. She saw Neal's eyes widening with surprise. Pain flickered in them.

"I only wore it to remind myself to never trust someone else again," Emma said intently, feeling proud that her voice was calm and cold. "Especially not you. Not after what you did to me." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "So why don't you get out of here and never come back again?" Neal didn't say anything for a second, making Emma think he left, until she heard his yell.

"I didn't want to leave you!" He sounded almost breathless. Emma's eyes opened as she eyes Neal. "I didn't want to leave you. I didn't know the police would find you after I escaped. I thought… If I ran away, you'd be safe as well." He sounded tearful. Emma didn't know what to say at first, her heart slamming against her ribcage. Could that be…true? That Neal had left her to protect her?

She pressed her lips together. A part of her wanted to actually believe that, to believe Neal left her for her own safety, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. Not after everything that had happened. She meant one thing she said last night to him. It really was too late.

"It's too late, Neal," she whispered. She felt tears threatening her eyes, and tried to blink them away. "It's too late." Neal lifted his head from his hands, looking desperately at Emma. His eyes shone with tears.

"I know," he said silently, his voice cracking. He looked broken, as broken as Emma was when she found out Neal betrayed her. She shut her eyes to keep herself from seeing it, from softening up and accepting Neal back into her life. It was something she not just couldn't, but shouldn't do. If she couldn't accept someone like Killian—someone who is kind and honest and understanding in her life, then she surely couldn't accept Neal as well.

"Goodbye, Emma." She heard Neal's footsteps moving away from the counter, and she opened her eyes only when she couldn't hear them. She was alone. Neal was gone. Again. Well, this time, she wanted him to go but still, it didn't change the fact that she was alone and she'd always be alone.

Tears started running down Emma's face. She quickly wiped them away, not wanting anyone to see it, but when she turned around and faced Ruby, she knew she was too late. Ruby tried to smile at her.

"I'm sorry," she said with a broken smile and sympathy in her eyes. Emma thought she'd at least ask about Neal, but all she did was come and wrap her arms around Emma. "I'm really, really sorry." She didn't even know what it was all about, and yet she was still there for Emma because she needed someone. Emma shut her eyes, trying not to cry. She deserved neither Ruby nor Mary Margaret. They were always there for her, no matter what and all she did was to lie to them.

"You don't even know what happened," she whispered hoarsely. Ruby shook her head.

"I don't need to. You're my friend." She pulled back to put her hands on Emma's shoulders. "And a wolf doesn't leave its pack." She winked at Emma, making her realize how lucky she is to have Ruby. She shook her head and wiped her tears again.

"Thank you. For understanding." Ruby shrugged.

"It's okay. Now, about those glasses…" Ruby pointed at the pile of glasses that stood behind Emma. She grimaced. "They're not gonna clean themselves." Emma chuckled. It was a hoarse chuckle, but it was a start. Ruby squeezed her shoulder before she turned back to preparing a drink, and Emma strolled down to clean the glasses. At least it gave her something to focus on other than Neal.

The bar started to fill up at around seven p.m. Emma found herself in the middle of a load of work, making it impossible to even lift her head to look around, let alone actually stopping. She liked it. Being busy helped. It always helped. Working in two jobs wasn't just about earning money. It was also about distractions. Distractions kept pain away. It worked, even if it was for a short amount of time, it worked.

"One hamburger, one French fries to table seventeen!" she yelled to the kitchen and turned to Ruby. "Also two Bloody Mary's. Can you take it?" Ruby smiled and winked at her.

"Of course." As Ruby turned around to make the drinks, she went to the next customer who was sitting at the other end of table, taking her notepad. It was hard to keep track of orders. Normally, Sundays wouldn't be so busy at the bar but she didn't complain. She already got lots of tips from customers. She put a flirty smile on her face as she lifted her head.

"What can I—" Her voice trailed off when she saw the guy sitting in front of her. Her eyes met with deep blue ones that were looking at her with a mixture of anger and disappointment in them.

Killian. He had come back.

Emma didn't know what to say as her heart started racing. What the hell was he doing in here? He'd told Emma yesterday if she wanted the job, she had to call him. But now he was here, sitting in front of her, and Emma didn't even know what to do or say.

Killian leaned forward, locking his eyes to Emma's and put his arm on the counter. His mouth was a thin line. Emma's heart skipped a beat. She felt breathless.

"You didn't call me."


	4. 4-Talented Bartender

"You didn't call me."

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She couldn't take her eyes off Killian. His stare was too heavy that it could almost kill with just one look. It wouldn't be so bad for Emma, though. She literally wanted to disappear, if that was possible.

After yesterday, she thought she wouldn't have to see Killian ever again, especially after she decided she wasn't gonna take the job. She never thought he'd actually come back, obviously to face her.

"I—" she managed to blurt out finally and shook her head. "What are you doing here?" The question sounded lame, but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Why the hell do you think I'm here?" Killian yelled, spreading his arms. "I thought you would accept my offer." He eyes Emma, making her feel as small as a fly. She shuffled uncomfortably.

"I don't need another job," she whispered, even though she knew that was a big fat lie. "I'm fine with this one." She spun around and headed to the other side of the counter. Luckily, there was a customer waiting there.

"What can I get you, sir?" she asked with a flirty smile. He was one of the regulars here, and whenever Emma smiled at her she got a really nice tip.

"A beer would be fine, Emma." A smile appeared on the guy's face that made Emma want to throw up. Okay, she sometimes really hated this job. "And then maybe af—"

"Coming right away!" she cut the guy's words as she turned to get the beer. The moment she straightened up, she found Killian in front of her all over again.

"You're running away," Killian said angrily. Emma pressed her lips together. Why couldn't just Killian let it go? She didn't accept the job. That was it.

"I'm not running away, Killian. I just don't want the job." She put the beer in front of the guy, winking at him. "Here you go, Mr. Flynn." Mr. Flynn's smile grew as he gave Emma a huge tip that she took gladly. Well, at least all that crap she had to do paid off.

"You don't want a job that'll pay you twice as much you earn here, maybe even three times, and you wouldn't have to work two jobs daily?" Killian raised his brow. Emma's fists clenched as she looked at him. He was right. Damn, he really was right. She was running away. But she couldn't just accept the truth.

"I'm happy with my job here, Killian. Maybe I don't want to leave it." She knew it wasn't a good excuse but she had nothing else. "And I earn enough money." She attempted to walk away but Killian's fingers wrapped around her arm.

"Yes, by working at two jobs. I saw you yesterday. You don't want to work in a place like that." Emma frowned, crossing her arms. She could feel rage bubbling up in her. That was good. Anger was good. It helped her forget everything else.

"What, you think I'm faking it?" she lashed out at Killian. She expected him to yell back at him, so seeing the anger fading away from his eyes caught her off guard.

"I think loving this job makes it easier to not accept my offer and pretend like you don't want it, but listen to me, Swan, you want it. It's time to stop running." Killian's hand slid down, holding Emma's. He squeezed it. For a moment, Emma felt herself giving up. Her guard started to come down as her heart skipped a beat. Killian's grip was warm. Soothing. It almost made her feel like she could accept that job. What could go wrong?

She turned her eyes to Killian's face from their hands. There was a little, encouraging smile on his face. Suddenly, she pulled back, hugging herself. No. She couldn't do it. _Everything_ could go wrong, and they probably would go wrong as well. They always did.

"You don't know anything about me," she choked out. Her voice was cold again, and she could see that it startled Killian, which gave her the time to walk away. She blinked to keep the tears away. She wasn't even looking at where she was going when she crashed into someone. She stepped back, looking up to see Ruby.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled and tried to walk past her, but Ruby didn't let her. She grabbed Emma's arms.

"Emma, what's going on?" she asked anxiously. Emma shook her head, realizing only then she had started to cry. What was happening to her? Why was she crying two days in a row? She used to be strong. She never let anything get to her. But Neal coming back and Killian… They managed to turn her life upside down in just one night. It wasn't fair.

"Why don't you take a break?" She caressed Emma's arm before turning back to her customer. Emma didn't even try to object. She really needed a break. She looked around the bar. Mary Margaret and Ruby, with a few other waiters, seemed to be doing fine. She took her apron off, hung it up before she went to the back street. Where she met Killian.

She took a deep breath as she looked at the sky. It was pitch black like it was trying to reflect Emma's feelings. She grimaced. Why couldn't the weather be good when she felt bad? At least she would be able to see the stars. Somehow, looking at the sky calmed her down. Not today, though.

She leaned back on the wall, taking a deep breath. She wasn't being fair to Killian, she knew that. All he did from the moment they met was try to help her. Any other guy would've ran away if they found her crying, but not Killian. He even offered buying her a drink, and then he offered her a job based on what he saw just yesterday. She owed him, big time, and yet she couldn't bring herself to even see him because of what she felt around him. It was like the first time she started falling in love with Neal, and after Neal came back and reminded her what trust could do, she couldn't take that risk again.

"Swan?" Killian's voice startled her, making her jerk. His voice was actually soft, not like harsh or angry or anything, but it still made her heart skip a beat. "Can I come?" She swallowed hard. It wasn't exactly easy to think when Killian was around, and a part of her told her she should say no, but she found herself nodding.

Killian came next to her without saying another word, and raised his hand toward Emma. There was a black flask in his hand. Emma raised her brow. "You're offering me a drink?" She lifted her head to look at Killian.

"Aye. You look like you might need one." One side of Emma's lips tipped up.

"Thanks," she said gratefully and she really meant it. Especially since Killian didn't look pissed off at all even though she'd just ran away from him. She took a huge sip from the flask, pursing her lips immediately as the alcohol burned her throat. She grimaced.

"Was that rum?" She glanced at Killian and the smile on his face told her she was right. She took another sip. It actually tasted good…and heavy, which was exactly what she needed right now. She felt a little dizzy with the third sip.

"Whoa, Swan, slow down," Killian warned her, taking the flask. Emma shook her head, trying to pull her thoughts together. Getting drunk wouldn't help her. Literally. But drinking really made her feel good. Getting drunk and forgetting about everything… Emma knew, from experience, that it was just a trick, it didn't last, and all the feelings came back in the end, only ten times worse. It probably wasn't a good idea. But from time to time she needed that. She needed to forget everything.

She wished, maybe for the thousandth time, she would have a life that she wouldn't want to forget.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. Killian flashed a grin at her, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Don't worry about it." Emma shook her head. She opened her mouth to say she was sorry about everything, about not calling him, about not accept his offer, that he was right about her and she always ran away, but she couldn't. The words got stuck in her throat as fear bubbled up in her chest. The walls she built around herself oh-so-intricately were crumbling down slowly and if she confessed everything, she was scared they would be damaged beyond repair.

"I'm the one who needs to apologize, love," Killian said after a moment of silence. "I didn't have the right to come here and make assumptions about you." Emma shut her eyes and took a deep breath. _But you were right_ , she thought inside, even though she knew she'd never have the courage to tell it out loud.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a grin. She saw Killian's eyes illuminate and felt proud. She liked Killian's smile because it always looked real. Not one of those smiles that most guys had that were so beautifully fake. There was nothing real about them, other than the fact that they said I-want-to-get-into-your-pants. She was sick of those guys. So for once, seeing a guy smile like this was refreshing. Especially when the said guy was smiling at her.

She turned her eyes away, trying to shake away her thoughts. Thinking how beautiful and hot Killian looked with that smile wouldn't help her either. Why was she thinking about Killian's smile anyway?

"Hey, love, nothing has to happen between us even if you take the job, you know that, right?" Emma's breath got caught up in her throat. She swallowed hard. How did Killian see it was about him?

"It's not about you," she muttered under her breath, only to face with Killian's incredulous gaze. She shook her head, giving up trying to deny it. "After last night, I thought—"

"Yes, I'd be thrilled if that happened to be the case, but you won't even have to see me if you don't want to. The bar isn't close to the offices." Emma bit her lip, not being able to stop herself. Okay, she wanted the job. More than ever. She wanted to be able to sleep for once, to do whatever she wanted in the morning, and not have to worry about money. She knew Killian could provide those. She just…

"Wasn't that why you offered me the job? Because you wanted to get close to this hot, talented bartender?" _If you can call mixing drinks a talent_ , she added inside. A laugh burst out of Killian.

"You're one hell of a bartender, Swan, but no, that wasn't why. Not exactly, at least. You're a talented bartender and we do need one. Getting close to you was just the icing of the cake." He winked at her, making her heart jump in her chest, something she hadn't felt in a really long time. She ordered her heart to stay at where it was. She took a shaky breath.

"I want the job, Killian," she admitted finally, running her fingers through her hair. "But I guess it's too late, right?" She dropped her head, feeling guilty suddenly. And angry. Angry at herself for running away. Killian was right. She didn't have to see him even though she took the job. He was the owner of the company, and as far as she knew normally owners wouldn't spend much time at their bars. At least she hoped. Mr. Gold never even came down to see what was going on. But she was too scared of even the idea of getting close to Killian that she didn't take the job that would probably have fixed her life. And now it was too late.

Killian scratched the back of his ear. "Well, I wouldn't say that." Emma's eyes shot up with bewilderment and a little bit of excitement. "We really do need a bartender. We just had to fire the last one." From the tone in Killian's voice, it was obvious it was something he didn't like to talk about that made Emma think there was more to the story than just firing, but she didn't push Killian. Her heart was beating really fast in her chest. She wasn't too late.

Though she wasn't sure if that was a really good thing or not.

"And you're offering me based on one night experience?" She still couldn't believe this man was offering her a job.

"Aye. Don't look so surprised. I saw the way you worked yesterday and today." He smirked at her. "If you want it, the job is yours." His eyes were almost pleading her to accept it. Yet she still wasn't sure what was the right thing to do. She reminded herself, over and over again, this job didn't mean there had to be anything between her and Killian. Though the getting close didn't bother her that much, which really bothered her. She looked up at Killian.

"I want it," she said hesitantly at first, and then she shook her hesitation off. Whether she wanted to be with Killian or not, she really needed and wanted that job. "I want the job." She sounded a lot more confident right not. Killian's smile grew even more, which she didn't think was possible. ''But are you sure? You don't even know me. We just met yesterday." Killian lifted her hand to brush away Emma's hair. An action like that would normally make her pull away, but she found herself leaning in as Killian's fingers brushed her cheek and gasped. Fortunately, Killian hadn't heard that.

"Well, I don't need to know you for long to understand who you are. You're something of an open book." Emma cocked her brows. Killian was the third person after Ruby and Mary Margaret who knew exactly how she was feeling. Was she that terrible at hiding her feelings?

"Am I?" she asked cautiously. Killian leaned back on the wall next to Emma and looked at the stars.

"Quite. Let's see. You're scared of letting people in because you were always abandoned by people you love in one way or another." Air lodged in Emma's throat as she swallowed hard. She straightened up, trying to keep her face blank.

"Was I?" she managed to blurt out, not being able to keep her voice from shaking. Sympathy crept into Killian's eyes.

"Like I said. An open book." He studied Emma's face. She shuffled uncomfortably. She wasn't used to someone seeing through her so easily and it scared her.

"How would you know that?" She crossed her arms on her chest, looking at Killian challengingly. Killian's smile disappeared.

"I spent…many years working in group homes, with abandoned children. They all share the same look in their eyes—the look you get when you've been left alone." Emma felt courage depleting from her as her shoulders slumped down. By the look of Killian, it was obvious he didn't know about loneliness only because he spent time working in group homes, but it also was obvious he didn't want to talk about it. Emma tried to gather up her courage.

"Yeah, well, we're not in a group home right now." One side of Killian's lips tipped up but it wasn't a real smile.

"But an orphan's an orphan." Killian's eyes looked distant as he stared at the street. Emma wanted to ask what it was all about but she felt like Killian wouldn't answer. And why would he, since Emma hadn't told him anything either?

"Anyway, we were talking about the job," he changed the subject and Emma couldn't be happier. "You can come and start tomorrow. Come in the morning so I can find someone to give you a tour and you can also sign the contracts. Don't worry, there aren't a whole lot of them." Emma found herself smiling with Killian's words. "Of course," he mumbled, leaning in, and air left Emma's lungs, "unless you'd rather I give you the tour." She could feel Killian's breath on her face. Her gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips, and suddenly she wanted to kiss him. They were so close, if she leaned down for just one or two inches their lips would touch. And she wanted that. She never wanted to kiss someone like this since…ever. She hadn't even felt this pull with Neal.

She stepped back suddenly, breaking the spell. She was out of breath and her cheeks were flushed as she looked up at Killian. What had just happened? What was that feeling that…she'd felt? Wanting to kiss Killian? It was ridiculous. She couldn't kiss Killian. It wasn't right. This wasn't right. This was exactly what she was trying to avoid. She knew what this was, or at least where it headed to. And she couldn't do it. She just couldn't do it.

She blinked, looking at Killian's flabbergasted expression. She hugged herself when she suddenly felt chilly. ''I think it'd be better if you found someone else,'' she whispered, trying to hide the shakiness in her voice. She walked past Killian to the door and entered the bar, leaning down on the wall next to her. She looked at her hands as the feelings rushed back.

What had she done?

She could barely pull herself together and went to the bar after a few minutes. She still felt like she was in a daydream and she was dizzy. She didn't even remember what she was doing when she found herself standing behind the bar with a tequila bottle in her hand. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing.

She poured the tequila in a glass, continuing to prepare the drink. She didn't want to think about Killian, or how they almost kissed. The key word being almost, but it didn't change the fact that she yearned for that kiss. She wanted Killian to kiss her. She never wanted anyone to kiss her. This was so wrong, and it so went in the wrong direction. How was she gonna work there after this? How was she gonna deal with Killian? She didn't want that. In fact, she wanted to run away, far enough that no one who knew her could find her and maybe start a new life. If she had the money, she wouldn't even think about it. Because she did run away. That was how she stayed safe all along.

''So?'' She slipped away from her thoughts with Mary Margaret's voice coming from next to her. She bit her lip and focused on the drink. It was harder than it used to be. ''How'd it go with Killian?'' Mary Margaret sounded so excited that Emma pursed her lips. She took a deep breath.

''Well, I… I accepted the job,'' she announced. It was too late to back off anyway. Okay, it probably wasn't, but a part of her didn't want to back off.

''I knew it!'' Mary Margaret screamed and threw her arms around Emma. She almost dropped the glass in her hand and spilled the cocktail. She pressed her lips together, telling herself that it'd be fine. It would be fine. ''I knew you'd accept it. Oh, I'm so happy for you.'' Emma bit her lip as she stared at the bar. She wished she could be as happy and thrilled about it as Mary Margaret obviously was, but all she felt was dread.

Mary Margaret pulled back to look at Emma's face. ''Soooo, you and Killian…?'' Emma could feel the question in her voice. She faltered with her words.

''No. It's not… We're not… There's nothing between us. I just accepted the job,'' she said, which was the half-truth. The other half was that they'd almost kissed and that surely would suggest there was something going on between the two of them. But there wasn't. At least that was what Emma was telling herself, because the alternative was too damn scary and depressive for her.

''That doesn't mean nothing will happen.'' She winked at Emma as she turned back to the customers, though she didn't forget to plant a little kiss on Emma's cheek. ''I told you everything would work out for you.'' Emma looked behind her as she disappeared in a crowd of people, and sighed. If this was ''working out'' for Emma, she didn't know if she wanted any part of it.

Her eyes turned to the door that led to the back street. She didn't know if Killian had went back in during that short moment she spent talking to Mary Margaret, but she still couldn't keep her eyes off the door. She took another order from a group of college kids and started preparing their drinks. Although, her eyes were almost always going back to that door.

Where the hell was Killian? Did he just leave from the back street? After what happened, Emma would give him that right. She ran away as well, right? And she shouldn't want to see him anyway. She told him to find someone else to give her the tour and instructions. He would do that, right? He was a true gentleman and he told Emma nothing needed to happen between them even though she worked in the club. That was what she was counting on, to be honest.

Oh, she also needed to talk to Mr. Gold. How nice.

She groaned as she prepared another drink to a guy who looked at his fifties, who gave her a huge tip. She looked at the money and pursed her lips. There were days she only had this money to trust, the tips. She barely made it through them. Sometimes, she wouldn't even have hot water or electricity, and she had to wrap several blankets over herself to not freeze to death. She reminded herself Killian's job might be the answer to all of her prayers. At least most of them.

''Is it true?'' Emma jumped with Ruby's voice coming right behind her, and turned to her. Her eyes were literally glowing. ''Did you accept Killian's offer?'' Emma sighed. There was no point in trying to lie.

''Yeah, I did.'' She turned back to get two beers. ''Did Mary Margaret tell you?'' she asked. Ruby shook her head with a huge smile plastered on her face.

''Nope, Killian did. Oh, Emma, I'm so happy for you!'' She took two empty glasses from the table and set them aside. Emma's eyes shot up at her.

''Wait, you saw Killian?'' Ruby nodded.

''Yeah! He came out a couple of minutes ago. I managed to catch him before he went out. He gives great tips.'' She winked at Emma. Emma sighed. Of course he did. ''I thought he'd come to see you. Didn't he?'' Emma shook her head as she looked up at the bar. Killian didn't seem to be around…anywhere.

''I think he left,'' Emma said casually, trying to sound as careless as possible. She didn't know why but she expected Killian to at least come and talk to her before he left. Not that he had to do that. In fact, it was normal he wouldn't want to see her. They almost _kissed_ , and Emma had pulled back. She had run away. Killian probably thought he was doing the best thing for her—and himself.

And he _was_ right. He was doing the right thing for both of them. There was no true love for Emma in this world, and any relationship between them would be doomed to end in tears and heartbreak. Then what was this feeling inside her? This—disappointment?

''Huh. That's weird. I was _sure_ he would see you.'' Emma shook her head, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in her throat.

''Well, he didn't. Ruby, me accepting the job doesn't mean anything's gonna happen between us.'' Ruby took two orders from a waitress, giving one of them to mine and winked.

''It also doesn't mean it won't happen.'' Emma shot her a glare as she chuckled. ''You're gonna start tomorrow?'' she asked, changing the subject. Emma bit her lip.

''Yeah, I guess. I'll go tomorrow to sign the contracts and all.'' Ruby's smile could light up the whole bar.

''That's amazing, Emma.'' Emma forced a smile as she looked at the bottle of rum in her hand. She took a deep breath.

''I hope so.'' And this time, she truly meant it.


End file.
